my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
