I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
