Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
