I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
