I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
two words...techno handjob
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
