Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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