If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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