So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
