I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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