Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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