All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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