i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
