Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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