Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
