How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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