oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
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U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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