come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
