im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
