i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
