I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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