I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
