Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
