Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
