She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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