Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
