Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
