are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
