I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
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Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
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Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife