At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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