The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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