i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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