So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
