Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So many bounce houses so little time
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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