he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
two words...techno handjob
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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