hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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