He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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