This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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