The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
