I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
