There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
