You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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