I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
where are my eyebrows?
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