i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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