He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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