Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
