apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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