You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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