what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
