dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
