I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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