My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
