i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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