She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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