Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
