sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
