Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
false alarm. still invincible.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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