Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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