Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
