So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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