I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
