:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
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He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
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I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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