I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
