this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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