My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
