Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.

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(973): Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie. http://tfl.nu/rlm3

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(619): View more from California

If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.

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(619): If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library. http://tfl.nu/gs64

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(636): View more from Missouri

Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea

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(636): Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea http://tfl.nu/qpng

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.

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(843): Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17. http://tfl.nu/5ely

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?

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(860): Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too? http://tfl.nu/bk9g

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.

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(778): I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter. http://tfl.nu/71jn

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(919): View more from North Carolina

My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.

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(919): My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD. http://tfl.nu/zazo

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative

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(603): No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative http://tfl.nu/aljj

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(530): View more from California

Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.

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(530): Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it. http://tfl.nu/z6l9

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(773): View more from Illinois

what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?

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(773): what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture? http://tfl.nu/g8fq

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(541): View more from Oregon

the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?

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(541): the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel? http://tfl.nu/ufnb

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(319): View more from Iowa

Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?

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(319): Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world? http://tfl.nu/2f1z

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk

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(780): It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk http://tfl.nu/34yj

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(217): View more from Illinois

I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits

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(217): I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits http://tfl.nu/cv3j

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.

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(860): I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love. http://tfl.nu/zgl1

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