Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"