so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I am available for nakedness