How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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