I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
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Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice