Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry