would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
