bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
