i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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