I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
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She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
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I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
soo... how was my night?
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