Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
