Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
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He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
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If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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